It’s been a few days since I returned from Spring, Texas where I visited with my sister, and I miss both my sister and the place already (though it is wonderful being back in my own bed). There’s something about traveling to different places that makes me wonder why I’m still in the small town in which I grew up. It makes me wonder where I “should” be…or rather where I belong, where I fit.
Spring is a fairly large suburb of Houston with countless nail salons, tanning salons and fast food restaurants; it also has the novelty of summer-like weather for extended months in comparison with Virginia. It also has the novelty of housing my sister, the one with whom I am closest in age and heart. Maybe that’s why I have a soft spot for that bustling outlying area of East Texas. Indeed, in 2011 (when last I visited my sister, or as I refer to her “thithta”…just say the word sister with a minor speech impediment) I was gung-ho to move there; and my sister being my sister said she’d support it if I did, but that starting a new life in a place where you don’t know anyone is hard. Very hard. She uttered the same sentiments during my visit this time around. The difference is, I would know her and a couple of her friends who she has had the pleasure of knowing for the past three years.
I think the time has come in life to figure out what I want to do. And, evidently, so do a few of my co-workers who honestly love me dearly; just yesterday, I was invited to lunch but politely declined as I’ve decided to start my Weight Watchers venture again (God, help me) and upon their return, one of them mentioned that she believes it is time for me to do what I want to do and be where I want to be, because as she put it to me, “you have the whole world in front of you and no strings holding you here.” That lady has a point.
But, therein lies the question: Where do I want to be? Truth be told, I have no idea. I know that I’d like to be somewhere out west. I don’t know why that is other than for years, I’ve had an affinity with the west. Maybe it has something to do with a past-life reading I once had (evidently, I used to live out west). But see, there is a problem: I know that the prospect of being far away from my family scares the living
shit out of me. I’m a worrier; it’s what I do. I’m afraid that the second I move, something will happen: one of my parents will get sick or hurt. I don’t know why I think that, but I do. Who then will be there to help when help is needed? Maybe that’s a strange worry to have…maybe I should just realize that wherever I may go, I’m only a drive or a flight away. Maybe the problem is that I am so reliant upon my folks because they’ve been there for me when things got really, really shitty that the thought of not being able to be right there for them if they need me is truly the basis of the problem.
Here is a list of places I’ve thought of moving to throughout the past couple of years:
- Spring, Texas
- Colorado Springs
- Charlottesville, VA
- Austin, Texas (just because “Keep Austin Weird” is their motto)
- Arizona (nowhere specifically, I just think the dry climate would be good for me)
- Spring, Texas
I think my other problem is my fear of leaping, of making a big change, because in the event that I do make a big change, I have the very real probability of failing. So many things dictate the thing that we do in everyday life and I’ll admit that fear has been a big dictator throughout my existence.
What am I fearful of failing at, specifically? Well, I shall make you another handy list:
- Not being able to get work
- Hating said new job
- Being lonely
- Deciding that I actually hate the place where I choose to move
- Something major happening with one or both of my parents
Obviously, the above fears will need to be a hurdle that I jump in order to move forward with my life. Who knows, maybe admitting to my hang-ups and writing all of this out has been therapeutic and will actually aid in my quest to move forward. With that said, anyone have ideas for the place I should move?