Cut the Bullshit…or, Stop Taking in Stray Dogs

At some point in everyone’s life, they must reassess and cut the bullshit. Sometimes, we need to get rid of the people that simply do not add quality to our lives. Recently, along with dropping weight, I decided it was time to drop the extraneous people who I’ve allowed into my life that simply do not add anything of merit. This is something that’s hard for me, and I think, is hard in general for most people. Thing is, I usually don’t (unless you’ve done something to warrant it) want to be seen as a bitch. I want people to think the best of me and have only positive things to say when I come to mind. I never like to disappoint. Maybe it’s because I’m a girl, and generally speaking (though it isn’t always the case) we’re taught that we must ‘be nice’.

Lucky for me, I could think only of one person who I’ve allowed into my life that needed to be extricated. He’s the kind of guy that drifts in and out as he pleases; one of those people that has so many things up in the air that I wonder how he is able to sleep at night. And of course, he’s someone I used to date. Unfortunately, the last time he decided to pop back into my life, I allowed it. I answered the text and said, “sure, I’ll come over”. Why did I do that? Because I was being nice. Thing of it is, said ex lives an hour from me and at the time, I didn’t want to make the drive. It had finally happened! I finally decided that I wasn’t desperate enough to drop what I was doing (or in this case, what I wasn’t doing ) to drive an hour to spend time with this guy who I once at some kind of weird interest in. I see this as growth.

But wait. Maybe it wasn’t growth, because I then replied, “how about next weekend?”. Why did I do that when I didn’t particularly want to spend time with this person? Because I was being nice! I felt obligated and therefore, I made a suggestion to placate the man. Of course, the reply to my question was a deflated and unexcited “I suppose so.” Well, of course that weekend would do, why wouldn’t it? I mean, I’d be the one driving an hour to go spend time with a guy who liked to play the game We’re Just Friends…But Only When It’s Convenient for Me…and No, I Won’t Add You as a Friend on Facebook…But I Still Like To Kiss You. Ever had one of those? Kind of annoying. And weird.

So , as the promised weekend approached, I sought advice. And it was good advice I got: Cut. Him. Out. This wasn’t the first time I’d gotten this advice, but for some reason, it was this time that I chose to listen. Problem was, how was I to get out of this sticky situation I was now in? Lucky for me, I didn’t hear from the ex all weekend. I thought perhaps he’d forgotten about our intended plans. Horray!

But I wasn’t so lucky. Monday rolled around and I received a text asking what had happened to our plans. Of course, upon hearing the little chime and reading the message, I got an icky feeling in my belly. The icky feeling you get when you know you’re doing something that has the possibility to upset/confound/disappoint someone. But, it had to be done. I ignored the message…and promptly added the phone number to my phone to put on the Blocked list. I felt a bit guilty by doing this. After all, if I sent a message and didn’t hear back wouldn’t I be hurt? Oh wait…that has happened to me with this particular person, and about a serious subject matter, I might add.

So, the question begs to be asked: Why was I so affected by the idea of ignoring someone I don’t want to spend time with anymore? If someone disappoints you, does that give you license to disappoint them in return? Is cutting people out hard for everyone? Or, do I just have a supremely bad case of Nice Girl Syndrome? I had a friend once tell me that people like this ex are like cancer: cut them out, or they will bring you down with them. Sometimes, there is no easy way; having a conversation with someone about not really seeing the merit in keeping company with them is just as icky as ignoring them. Neither one is nice, but one is necessary. My dad once told me, “at some point, you have to stop taking in stray dogs and take care of yourself.” I think I’m finally taking my dad’s advice.

 

Completely Oblivious in Culpeper…or, Did That Really Just Happen?

Something happened to me yesterday that never happens to me. I mean never. I’ve heard of this happening, you know, to other people…but not to me. Ok, I take that back, it happened to me once in a grocery store when I was about twenty-one. I was hit on while running an errand.

Maybe I’m just oblivious. Maybe it happens and I just don’t recognize it happening. That’s exactly that happened yesterday.  I walked into the bank, which I never ever do. I always go through the drive-through or run to the ATM, but I’d gotten off work early and decided to run in really quickly and do what I needed to do, despite being dressed in workout clothes and coming straight from the gym. I stepped out of line to grab a deposit ticket and filled out the pertinent information and quickly stepped back in line. Who knew the bank would be hoppin’ at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon? I jumped back into line as I saw someone walk in and get ahead of me out the corner of my eye while I was filling in the deposit ticket.  So, there I am, standing there in tight workout clothes, and the guy in front of me turns around and asks me if our old ATM cards would work since the bank was recently bought out by a new company. So I’m standing there talking to him, as the line slowly moves forward and the guy starts telling me he’s divorced. Which at the time, I thought was odd, I thought Why is this stranger telling me he’s divorced? So, we’re standing there and he’s making small talk and we get up to the front of the line and he turns and looks at me and says, “So, do you have any plans for the weekend?” So I smile and say I’m not really sure what I’m doing, but that it’s supposed to be beautiful. And then, it’s his turn and he goes up to the front of the bank. So there I am, standing in line with a puzzled look on my face putting together the pieces of the puzzle: he told me he’s divorced and that he lives in town, he just asked me about my weekend…was I just hit on?

captainoblivious2

 

I finished my business at the bank, hopped in the car and immediately called one of my best friends at work. As soon as I told her that he told me he was divorced, Christina responds with, “You realize that was your opening, right?” It was? When it comes to men, am I completely retarded: I literally have no know-how.  Maybe, this doesn’t happen enough for me to realize when an opportunity presents itself? Or, do opportunities present themselves more often than I realize and I’m just too oblivious to realize it? I talked with my mom about it and, God love her, she looked at me and said, “Well, maybe he does that to everyone? Did he look simple?” Thanks, Ma. Am I alone in this? Or, is anyone else out there as oblivious as me? If this happens again, how can I know it’s happening so that I can respond appropriately?  Evidently I need a 101 course in human interaction.

Men Are Stupid: Review of IDatedThatDouche.com

Lately, I’ve felt the need to find more reasons to laugh. Unfortunately, this quest has led me to hit the web, further fueling my internet addiction. I’ve come to terms with my technological dependency and believe that if it makes me smile, it’s all good. Back to why I needed to find more reasons to laugh. It can be summed up in three little words: men are stupid. This isn’t some epiphany that I’m just now stumbling upon; I’ve known this for years. Just recently however, it’s been reaffirmed.

A couple of days ago, I was on Facebook, scrolling through funny pictures from other websites that always make me laugh, I ran across a picture branded with the website I Dated That Douche (http://www.idatedthatdouche.com/).  Naturally, I had to Google the website and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since I found it. It’s actually an ingenious website; after all, who hasn’t dated a jerk/cad/scumbag?

I ran across a terrific post on the website entitled Ignore Mode (here is the link for the article, it’s a must read for any woman: http://www.idatedthatdouche.com/2012/07/ignore-mode-douche.html#!/2012/07/ignore-mode-douche.html) that is simply marvelous. I love it when I read an article that embodies everything that I think/feel/want to scream from the top of a building. It makes me feel slightly less alienated. Think about it: if every woman who has ever sent a man a text message or called with no response or call back who later found it unobjectionable to contact them by text with a short, “Hey, what’s up?” banded together, we could wreak some serious havoc. Evidently, this is an epidemic, across the board. Why is it that men think it’s alright for them to respond days or, in my case, even a week or more later? In my opinion, it’s simply bad manners and laziness combined.  Women respond to their friends when they call or text; I think this is because we know how irate we get when we call or text someone and don’t receive a response. I think it’s also because we have way more sense than men. I also think it has something to do with a man’s chromosome; think about it: one of their chromosomes is broken. With that affliction must come stupidity.  I’m not making a case for their stupidity by any means.  Indeed, I believe that with such a biological deficiency, over time, men should rise above it.

It seems to me however, that men are becoming more and more stupid and thoughtless.  I’ve done my research and have found that men in their thirties, with a good job, a love of wine, cooking and music, who are not narcisists and actually want to court a woman are nearly nonexistent. Indeed, in my search I have found only one man that fits the majority of those criteria. Sadly, he fell into the category that I call Charming Cad. The Charming Cad is an expert at game playing, will quickly spout any lines that he thinks you want to hear, is marvelously charming and knows how to sell himself in the most positive of light. He will avoid conflict at any cost and will quickly shut down if you try to call him out on any inconsistencies in his story or background. All in all, the Charming Cad is someone with whom you can have a fantastic time, and learn a lot about wine and cooking, but will also cause your hair to prematurely turn grey because you’ll never really know where you stand with him. He’s famous for dropping off the face of the earth, taking a week to respond to a text message and expecting you to fit into his life on his terms. All in all it’s a fun yet incredibly annoying, exasperating experience.

I’ve often felt like saying this to Charming Cads.

The website I Dated That Douche is a wonderful outlet for the frustration that stems from affiliating yourself with a Charming Cad (or any other category of man under the sun).  Its comforting to know that there are other clever women who have taken negative dating experiences and have used them to create funny stories and even more funny captioned photos. Spend five minutes on this website when you’re irritated by the actions (or lack thereof) of the man in your life (soon to no longer be in your life) and you’ll be smiling and nodding your head in agreement with every captioned picture you come across.  Enjoy!