Cut the Bullshit…or, Stop Taking in Stray Dogs

At some point in everyone’s life, they must reassess and cut the bullshit. Sometimes, we need to get rid of the people that simply do not add quality to our lives. Recently, along with dropping weight, I decided it was time to drop the extraneous people who I’ve allowed into my life that simply do not add anything of merit. This is something that’s hard for me, and I think, is hard in general for most people. Thing is, I usually don’t (unless you’ve done something to warrant it) want to be seen as a bitch. I want people to think the best of me and have only positive things to say when I come to mind. I never like to disappoint. Maybe it’s because I’m a girl, and generally speaking (though it isn’t always the case) we’re taught that we must ‘be nice’.

Lucky for me, I could think only of one person who I’ve allowed into my life that needed to be extricated. He’s the kind of guy that drifts in and out as he pleases; one of those people that has so many things up in the air that I wonder how he is able to sleep at night. And of course, he’s someone I used to date. Unfortunately, the last time he decided to pop back into my life, I allowed it. I answered the text and said, “sure, I’ll come over”. Why did I do that? Because I was being nice. Thing of it is, said ex lives an hour from me and at the time, I didn’t want to make the drive. It had finally happened! I finally decided that I wasn’t desperate enough to drop what I was doing (or in this case, what I wasn’t doing ) to drive an hour to spend time with this guy who I once at some kind of weird interest in. I see this as growth.

But wait. Maybe it wasn’t growth, because I then replied, “how about next weekend?”. Why did I do that when I didn’t particularly want to spend time with this person? Because I was being nice! I felt obligated and therefore, I made a suggestion to placate the man. Of course, the reply to my question was a deflated and unexcited “I suppose so.” Well, of course that weekend would do, why wouldn’t it? I mean, I’d be the one driving an hour to go spend time with a guy who liked to play the game We’re Just Friends…But Only When It’s Convenient for Me…and No, I Won’t Add You as a Friend on Facebook…But I Still Like To Kiss You. Ever had one of those? Kind of annoying. And weird.

So , as the promised weekend approached, I sought advice. And it was good advice I got: Cut. Him. Out. This wasn’t the first time I’d gotten this advice, but for some reason, it was this time that I chose to listen. Problem was, how was I to get out of this sticky situation I was now in? Lucky for me, I didn’t hear from the ex all weekend. I thought perhaps he’d forgotten about our intended plans. Horray!

But I wasn’t so lucky. Monday rolled around and I received a text asking what had happened to our plans. Of course, upon hearing the little chime and reading the message, I got an icky feeling in my belly. The icky feeling you get when you know you’re doing something that has the possibility to upset/confound/disappoint someone. But, it had to be done. I ignored the message…and promptly added the phone number to my phone to put on the Blocked list. I felt a bit guilty by doing this. After all, if I sent a message and didn’t hear back wouldn’t I be hurt? Oh wait…that has happened to me with this particular person, and about a serious subject matter, I might add.

So, the question begs to be asked: Why was I so affected by the idea of ignoring someone I don’t want to spend time with anymore? If someone disappoints you, does that give you license to disappoint them in return? Is cutting people out hard for everyone? Or, do I just have a supremely bad case of Nice Girl Syndrome? I had a friend once tell me that people like this ex are like cancer: cut them out, or they will bring you down with them. Sometimes, there is no easy way; having a conversation with someone about not really seeing the merit in keeping company with them is just as icky as ignoring them. Neither one is nice, but one is necessary. My dad once told me, “at some point, you have to stop taking in stray dogs and take care of yourself.” I think I’m finally taking my dad’s advice.

 

Completely Oblivious in Culpeper…or, Did That Really Just Happen?

Something happened to me yesterday that never happens to me. I mean never. I’ve heard of this happening, you know, to other people…but not to me. Ok, I take that back, it happened to me once in a grocery store when I was about twenty-one. I was hit on while running an errand.

Maybe I’m just oblivious. Maybe it happens and I just don’t recognize it happening. That’s exactly that happened yesterday.  I walked into the bank, which I never ever do. I always go through the drive-through or run to the ATM, but I’d gotten off work early and decided to run in really quickly and do what I needed to do, despite being dressed in workout clothes and coming straight from the gym. I stepped out of line to grab a deposit ticket and filled out the pertinent information and quickly stepped back in line. Who knew the bank would be hoppin’ at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon? I jumped back into line as I saw someone walk in and get ahead of me out the corner of my eye while I was filling in the deposit ticket.  So, there I am, standing there in tight workout clothes, and the guy in front of me turns around and asks me if our old ATM cards would work since the bank was recently bought out by a new company. So I’m standing there talking to him, as the line slowly moves forward and the guy starts telling me he’s divorced. Which at the time, I thought was odd, I thought Why is this stranger telling me he’s divorced? So, we’re standing there and he’s making small talk and we get up to the front of the line and he turns and looks at me and says, “So, do you have any plans for the weekend?” So I smile and say I’m not really sure what I’m doing, but that it’s supposed to be beautiful. And then, it’s his turn and he goes up to the front of the bank. So there I am, standing in line with a puzzled look on my face putting together the pieces of the puzzle: he told me he’s divorced and that he lives in town, he just asked me about my weekend…was I just hit on?

captainoblivious2

 

I finished my business at the bank, hopped in the car and immediately called one of my best friends at work. As soon as I told her that he told me he was divorced, Christina responds with, “You realize that was your opening, right?” It was? When it comes to men, am I completely retarded: I literally have no know-how.  Maybe, this doesn’t happen enough for me to realize when an opportunity presents itself? Or, do opportunities present themselves more often than I realize and I’m just too oblivious to realize it? I talked with my mom about it and, God love her, she looked at me and said, “Well, maybe he does that to everyone? Did he look simple?” Thanks, Ma. Am I alone in this? Or, is anyone else out there as oblivious as me? If this happens again, how can I know it’s happening so that I can respond appropriately?  Evidently I need a 101 course in human interaction.

Ode to The 24 Most Underrated Parts of Being Single…or I’m Awesome, Who Cares?

Every once in a while, there comes along an article that makes you realize just how good you’ve got it. I stumbled upon this gem The 24 Most Underrated Parts of Being Single a few days ago and it got me to thinking how good singledom really is.
Sure, sure, we all want companionship: someone to love and be loved by us and to share life with. But I have friends who I love and who I share my life with. And really, I’ve been in the dating pool recently and it’s pretty damn shallow; most men I meet are either married liars or can’t meet the basic requirements of holding a valid driver’s license or keeping a job long term. So, rather than mope and cry into my libation, I’m choosing to reread this article numerous times and to rejoice in my freedom.  The article hits some fantastic high points. Some of them were simply so good that they were inspiration for this post and I had to point out my favorites to those lonely nay sayers to prove just how good we’ve got it:
1) You can eat whatever the fuck you want.
How true is this!? If I want to sit down on a Friday night with a bottle of wine or champagne and gorge myself by eating an entire pizza, I can do that and hate myself in the morning. I don’t have to share and I don’t have to be judged. This is called freedom. It’s also called the beginnings of obesity.

6) You can wear embarrassing pajamas all day like a boss.
I’m a huge fan of this one. If I want to walk around the house in my torn-to-hell Rolling Stones t-shirt from 1998 and plaid pajama pants that are ripped at the inseam (to allow maximum ventilation), I can do it. Sure, I look like a total hobo, but that’s the point…I don’t need to look cute for anyone, so looking like a hobo is ok. As long as I don’t leave the house looking like that.

8) No one will judge you for dancing like a moron.
We all do it. We all shake what our mommas gave us and look like mentally challenged patients with absolutely no skills. But here’s the thing: there is no pretense when you’re single. You don’t have to worry about doing this and being labeled the aforementioned mentally challenged patient with zero skills. You can shake it, shake it, just don’t break it…alone or with friends who have the same skill level you do for dancing.

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9) You don’t have to share a bed with some jerk to who hogs the sheets.
I love sleeping alone. I get to take up the entire bed and wrap the blankets entirely around myself. Sleeping alone is the tops: you don’t have to be kept awake by someone else’s weird sleeping habits or snoring.

 

10) You can move at a moment’s notice without fear of any consequences.
I really like the fact that if I choose to move, whether it’s to a town an hour from where I currently am or to another state, it affects no one but me. Throw another person into the mix and things get messy.

 

11) You never have to worry about getting into fights about stupid shit that doesn’t mean anything.
I think we’ve all had those fights. Enough said.

No. Stupid. Fights.

 

14) You don’t have to worry about normal grooming. At.All.
I think one of the biggest pains in the ass about being female is shaving one’s legs. Some people get really obsessive over it and can’t go a day without doing it. Me? I could go all winter and be totally ok with my legs resembling what I imagine Grizzly Adams’ looked like.

15) You can watch whatever the hell you want.
That’s right: no one is there to insult me for watching shows like Ghost Adventures and being all googly-eyed over the muscled and dumb Zac Bagans. I can also watch my favorite movie, Bridget Jones’s Diary without criticism or anything on Lifetime, for that matter.
18) Hideous underpants can be worn freely, because you don’t care who sees your junk.
Yep. If I so choose to wear the huge underpants that are actually marketed to the women significantly older than me, I can without (much) shame because no one is seeing those suckers but me.

hideous underpants

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

20) You can fart and burp without shame because there is no one to judge you.
I think this one is pretty self explanatory. You wouldn’t believe the sounds that come out of women when they’re hanging out with other women that they’ve known for well over a decade. We’d never do that stuff in front of anyone else.

These were my favorites that made me smile a few days ago when I most needed it. They reminded me that while I may not have exactly the kind of relationship that I want, for right now, these little freedoms make this time enjoyable. If you’re single, think about the things that bring you the most joy, and those things that you probably couldn’t do if you were otherwise engaged. I promise that it’ll help you turn that frown upside down when you’re feeling like you’ll never meet someone that not only has a pulse but is well-groomed, has similar interests and that you can actually hold a conversation with.

who cares I'm awesome